These cards parody the seemingly endless number of precious-metal credit cards. Despair’s Card comes in Rust, Pyrite (shown) and Tin. But this isn’t everything. The cards are working physical gift certificates. Each is serialized, like any gift card, each can be redeemed online at their store. They’re printed on metallic card stocks, feature embossed alphanumeric gift codes as well as a scratch off panel on the back. (What’s under the scratch off? I’ll never tell.)